A long time

I can't believe my last post was almost a year ago.  I've continued reading blogs, doing a lot of journaling on my own and doing a lot of other things in the last year.  As I look back at the last few years it feels like something HUGE and LIFE-CHANGING has happened each year.  2007 was precious Morgan, 2008 was my divorce, 2009 was learning a new reality and learning to love again, 2010 was the year I married my incredible husband, 2011 was marked by the loss of my beloved Auntie Les.  That brings me to 2012 which will be marked in my memory as the year was that my sweet daughter was diagnosed with leukemia.  Morgan has ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia).  It is the most common form of cancer in children and praise God, the most treatable. It's been a wild ride since her diagnosis on March 29.  7 months of fear, tears, joy, blessings and pain all rolled into one.  She's ok.  I have faith that she WILL be ok.  She has approximately 2 more years of treatment in front of her but she will beat this and it will be part of the story of who she is.   It has been a journey this year to truly hand over my daughter to the God who created her.  Who loves her more than I do. It's showing me that I'm really not in control of anything - something my head has told me for years but my heart ignores whenever possible.

We've had lots of other things going on as well.  We took a quick vacation a few weeks before Morgan's diagnosis, Will played baseball in the midst of our crazy spring and tackle football this fall, Eric had weight loss surgery and has lost over 90 lbs (and looks INCREDIBLE), I switched jobs and Morgan started Kindergarten.  Add all of those to weekly clinic appointments and frequent blood draws and we're running around a lot around here. I've frequently seen a list of "Things that cause stress" on the internet or in magazine and let me tell you we've checked the box on far too many in the last few years (both good & bad).

In the midst of all of that I've lost sight of so much. So much of myself, so much of my beautiful family, so much good in the world, so much beauty.  I've been bogged down in the details of the craziness that has taken over. God hasn't let me go, I've let myself go - let myself fall victim to fear, sadness, and anger. I've gained weight.  I've eaten horribly. I've had trouble sleeping or slept far too much. I've been selfish in so many ways. I've forgotten to be thankful, to be grateful for all that I've been given. So many things.  So I'm trying to get back to me.  To being grateful. To being humble. To being content. To loving my family and my life the way the deserve.